Losing it

As I've contemplated the weight loss journey I'm embarking on, I've realized I think why I gained basically twice my weight since high school. I had an eating disorder in high school. I think after I overcame many of the struggles causing that problem it was like I had to prove to myself that being as fat as I thought I was or at least feared I'd become wasn't as bad as I thought. In someways it's not. I'm still loved and cared for by many including those I was sure would reject me. But it sucks being fat. It is hard to put my shoes on. I hate clothes shopping. I feel self conscious out in public. I feel as though I'm done proving that point to myself and. I'm ready to go back down to the size I'm supposed to be. Not with an eating disorder or other twisted mentalities but just eating healthy and being active. I don't want to be limited by my size in the way I interact with my future son or daughter. I hate that on Saturday my weight limited my time at the zoo with my husband. I'm done letting this control me. I'm taking back control.